Today I will expose the alternative investment strategies big playas use to roll RM30 million (USD8.1m). Thought I don’t mean to offend anyone with this essay, if I get in trouble for this blog post, please bail me out with all the money you might make from reading this. Deal? Deal.

Photo adapted from Thinkpanama

Imagine this: RM30 million is yours. All yours.

How will you invest it? Think big playa. Big playas usually think for a moment before they invest RM30 million. So I’ll give you a moment to think.

Yes. Invest RM30 million in a smart way. What will you do…

What was that?

Buy 2 giant pandas?

Pandas you say. Hmm. 2 giant pandas. You’re thinking ‘out of the box’. I like that. Sounds like a plan. Let’s buy 2 giant pandas then.

JEEZ LOUSIE I GIVE YOU RM30 MILLION AND YOU BUY 2 GIANT PANDAS guess what sis that’s what Zoo Negara plans to do with RM30 million See the article on theStar.

Wait wow wow wait wait… let’s not jump to conclusions here! There’s more to the story.

First, let’s get our facts right.

In Zoo Negara’s defence, they’re not going to spend RM30 million just 2 giant pandas. They know exactly what they’re doing.

From the article in the Star:

… Malaysia was eyeing the giant pandas, ringtail lemurs, white tigers, and golden monkeys from Chinese zoos. “On our end, we might be sending them our milky storks and painted storks, and other animals which we have in surplus.

Golden monkeys! This how big time playas do deal-making. It’s not just “Oh I’ll take 2 of those what are they giant pandas yeah OK two of them for 30 quid” It’s more than that. Big deals involve golden monkeys. As in like, gold. And milky storks, just like in the stock market.

Think big playa investments stops there? The deal gets sweeter.

“If we do get the giant pandas, one male and one female, they will come with their own curator, veterinarian and Chinese bamboo.”

Don’t settle for the just the friggin Pandas, big playas get the works, like a McPanda Happy Meal, supersized to RM30 million.

Does it make sense now?

Maybe not. But this is where the lesson begins.

Introducing: Productive Absurdity

Some things don’t make sense at first, but they can be very useful to us if swung the right way.

I call this ‘Productive Absurdity’.

 
Photo adapted from XianMing

To grasp the bull of ‘Productive Absurdity’ by its horns, or rather, the panda by its ears, do the following

1. ACCEPT that some things don’t make sense to you, and might not make sense to anyone! Does absurd stuff really frustrate you? I understand. But then again, maybe I don’t understand. It’s absurd! None of us will never understand it. Our brains aren’t equipped with that kind of superpowers. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be in PEACE with things which don’t make sense at all, right?
2. FIND a way to make it useful. Either by laughing at it, learning from it, tweaking the idea, letting it spike your creativity, use it to inspire others to take action, or use it make them laugh, cry etc. Think about it. The very same energy you use fighting with the absurd (knowing you will lose)… converted energy making the absurd very useful. Suddenly, you’re a Productive Absurdity ninja!

For the seriously introverted, this may remind you of existentialism and absurdism if you’re thinking about “In a world without meaning, you’re free to creating meaning for anything”.

You nailed it. Create meaning.

This is exactly what we’re going to do with the 2 giant pandas, since the big playas and golden monkeys involved in the deal seem unstoppable.

You too can apply Productive Absurdity to this example, as we return to alternative panda investment strategies used by big playas:

The big picture of Return on investment

OK, let’s say, on some alien planet somewhere, we have a zoo which aims to spend RM30 million of taxpayer money on 2 giant pandas. That may be absurd right? And perhaps, not so productive if left at that. But sprinkle a bit of Productive Absurdity and you will get…

Alternative Investment Strategy #1:

RM30mil for a giant robotic panda instead! If it’s going to be absurd anyway, might as well make it useful! Build a giant robotic panda! ROI? A giant robotic panda will attract more tourists than two normal everyday bamboo eating slow moving real pandas. Same price. More tourists.

And consider the positive externalities: It may even attract Ultraman to fight it. Now you will have a fight Don King might promote to get EVEN MORE TOURISTS just like how the Thrilla in Manila worked for the Philippines, we will have the Paannnnda in Malaysia. Boom. There’s another genius idea.

 
ABSURD AND AWESOME ARTWORK: Love at first Fight, by Malaysian Artist, Munkao

Alternative Investment Strategy #2:

Extend the same logic to the Malaysian Economic Stimulus Package. Cancel entrepreneurship grants, and spend the cash not 2, but 200 pandas instead! Think big! That will attract tourists more than 2 pandas can. Do the math. 100 times more tourists, minimum. We can even put the 200 pandas on the F1 tracks and have this massive panda race. And shoot a Malaysian film based on these F1 pandas, called “The Fast and Furriest”. Kung Fu Panda grossed $631,910,531 so let’s say we gross the same, we would have made back our money, AND we get to keep 200 pandas for MORE box office hits. Eg. We get the 200 pandas to hit the gym, then shoot the film “200”.

(Yes. Believe it. The view of this animated panda’s crotch. Stare into it. This grossed USD600M. Absurd. But productive. Imported oriental culture and sold it back to China. Very productive.)

See how far Productive Absurdity can take you?

Smart people don’t restrict their ideas to pandas. See how it can be applied to tigers in Penang: You won’t believe it. See article on theStar

In summary, Productive Absurdity makes life a ride in an amusement park. Just accept things in general may not make sense, and find a productive use for it anyway :)

Trust me, I do this for a living. I rally a generation of bored youths on YouthSays.com and carefully take time to unlock their potential to save the universe from doom.

Absurd? You bet.

//

Further reading thinking:

• What do Malaysian Youths at YouthSays have to say about Panda Investment strategy?
• Wikipedia’s entry for "Absurd Humor"
• All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. ~ Albert Camus

A few days ago, I danced alongside reps from IDEO, Google, Microsoft, IBM, Cisco, at MSC Innotech 2008.

Perhaps its not fair to call it a dance, although that would have been neat. Imagination aside, it was more like a series of talks.

Mine was a concise 9 minute session, directed at entrepreneurs who just got their pre-seed grants:

• Made a case against common perceptions of ‘innovation’.
• Examples and experience from managing a fast-growing startup Joel and I have recently put together.
• Definitely not one of my best speeches, considering the ANIMAL IN ME didn’t emerge. But I was still accused of being energetic, and there may be some useful ideas in there, especially for those from a tech background, moving into business.

(My full speech transcript is at the end of this blog post)

You can also download slides of other speakers’ presentations.

Speech aside, I met so many cool people at the event!

For example, you would never expect a Venture Capitalist (VC) to be like Chok Bee Wee, Managing Director of Teak Capital.

Chok, who invested in Jobstreet and helped groom them to be the hundred million dollar company it is today, is not your typical VC. She is straightforward and caring, LIKE A MOTHER. Feels like someone who will look out for you, and won’t hesitate to tell you to your room is a complete mess.

Then there’s Pamir, a VC from investment group Newtonmore Advisors in the UK. He gave us plenty of good advice.

We also bumped into successful young entrepreneurs like Bob Chua of Pulse Group. One of the more bobular dudes who spoke that day, his journey from bedroom entrepreneur to and IPO in AIMS in 33 months, has MOMENTUM written all over him, pushing the future of market research as we know it. At the rate he is going, he will easily be one of Malaysia’s most globally successful entrepreneurs in the next 3 years.

Got a pic with Ashroff, too, a familiar face in these circles! Another dude who makes you feel like family.

We also met two silly looking zombies who look eerily familiar.

And Ganesh Kumar, a real success story. Read “Going for broke” (Published by TeAM, in bookstores now) to hear his full story.

It’s worth the read.

Many early stage startups were also at Innotech. Like Socialwalk, with Tham King Yiew, who was ranting about bad experiences with web developers.

And how can I not forget… The MDeC Crew!

Life has been full of surprises ever since I set out to sail on my own. And along the way, friends have strangers have been very kind to me.

I don’t catch up with Roslan and MDeC team often, but in the background they’ve been opening up many doors to local technologists and entrepreneurs. I have personally benefited a lot from the efforts of the MDeC crew, including the invitation to speak here at Innotech 2008.

Lets have a look at a few of them!

“Good Vibes” Syafinaz.

Jamie “Rock Steady” Haniff

And Roslan, um, “Bakri” Zakaria

Thanks everyone!

Overall it was a great day with great food, great conversations, and we left Innotech having added validation of our business model, and added excitement to follow through with the journey we set out on.

For those of you who are curious about my presentation, here it is:

Read on »

UPDATE: If, for some reason you’re interested in me speaking in the first place, I’m speaking at Youth 08 on the 19th January, about prototyping your ideas and the internet. It will be very different from this speech.

~

The session had already started when I arrived.

Racecar driver Alex Yoong was already on stage, sharing some interesting ideas about alternative, possibly higher paying, more fulfilling career options involving your “being good with your hands”.

NTV7 Breakfast Show host, Jessica Teng spoke next about broadcast journalism and her lifestyle.

Then, it was my turn.

Before I tell you about what really happened to me, there is a background story to why I was invited in the first place.

It was theStar Education Fair 2008.

It happens every year, and its a whopper of sorts, attracting thousands of eager parents and children, shopping for their destiny.

They had career talks and such throughout the day, and the 3 of us were invited to speak on “University and working: Personal experiences”.

I was not entirely sure why I was invited, but I’m guess it was because theStar had written about me a couple of times, and they knew how much I loved infecting young minds with some crazy ideas on a Saturday morning ;)

Okay so maybe they didn’t know that. But it’s true. I love working with young-ish peeps like moi.

Anyhoo - my audience today were maybe a hundred over high school students, some college kids, and their parents.

We were in an overly formal setting, which tamed my usual animated character, but that didn’t stop me from being a beast.

I was swift… but reminded myself not to talk too fast…

After my 10 minutes of anarchy, the deed was done. I know 90% of the crowd must have disagreed with some of my points, but I have always looked out for the misfits who were going YES YES YES.

Misfits aside, I was approached by students and parents, many of them had good questions. Such as this young lad the name of Aaron who may grow up to be doctor.

So.

What did I talk about?

Here is the full script…

Read on »